So the other night I had a dream about all the ways to repurpose a wild boar. Totally normal. Last weekend I checked another activity off of my Texas bucket list – going to a ranch – and let me tell you, it was everything I had hoped it would be. After finishing some things up at work Friday morning, I met up with Chris and Grant and we made our way to Llano to Chris’ family ranch. Chris and Grant also brought their two dogs (who I have decided I’m an honorary fairy dog mom to) and we were off! Since we left in the early afternoon, Austin traffic wasn’t especially heinous which was a pleasant surprise.
Our first stop was Opie’s BBQ and for someone who is overloaded with bbq options, I think it’s worth the drive out of the way to go there. There wasn’t a single thing we ordered that I didn’t like, and the tater tot casserole was immaculate. You walk in and there’s a large warmer filled with meat and you pick out what you want. We opted for two sausages and about a pound of brisket. They took it to the back to cut it, and we continued on to the line where we picked out our sides and desserts, then sat down to eat. We knew it was going to be a big weekend of food, and it was off to a great start. We finished eating and got back on the road with some 90s country music being the soundtrack of the rest of the drive. When we got to the ranch it was locked up and we couldn’t get in yet so we went for a much-needed walk around the property. On the ranch they raise cattle and then deer, aoudads, wild hogs and other animals call the property home as well. We made it back to the ranch when Chris’ dad, Bob, showed up, so we put everything into the house and decided to take some target practice and hunt some firewood.
I have never held a gun up until this point. Before the trip, I got my hunting license in case I felt inclined to shoot something. I wasn’t really determined to shoot a hog, but if the opportunity arose I didn’t want to miss out. At the shooting range, Bob went over basic gun safety with me, how to hold it, how to load it, how to store it, and taught me the importance of staying still after you shoot the gun for best control. Three shots later, I was good to go. We continued on to get firewood while there was still daylight and awaited everyone else’s arrival. After collecting the firewood, we went back to the ranch house and started the fire. I knew I should have brought marshmallows for toasting, but trust me, we were not without delicious food. Jenna and Blake were next to show up, followed by Paisley and Sean. We helped them unload, and then Sean and Paisley started to make dinner for us. We made tacos, but Paisley and Sean have this system down perfectly. They have a propane burner and used it to heat up oil in a cast iron wok to flash fry some shrimp they caught at the coast last summer. It was cleaned and vacuum-sealed almost immediately after being caught, and it’s my favorite. One of my favorite parts of this friend group is that we are all major foodies and push each other to make better food. but also would throw down at taco bell, it’s about balance.
When we were done eating, Bob got a notification that there was a hog at one of the feeders, so a few of us got in the Polaris and drove out there. By the time we got there, the hog was gone, so back to the fire we went. Maybe 20-30 minutes later we got another notification, so everyone piled into the Polaris and we were off. We parked quite a ways from the feeder so whoever was going to shoot the hog didn’t have to worry about it running off again. Paisley said I was up, so Bob and I walked closer to the feeder and sat down when we a fair distance away. He handed me the gun, and I just waited until the hog was perpendicular to me, and took a shot. The pig dropped, and I was watching it through the scope to make sure I didn’t need to shoot it again, but it was one bullet to the brain and so no extra shots were needed. I put the safety back on and gave Bob the gun, and we started to make our way back to the Polaris where everyone was anxiously waiting. I think they were all more excited than I was, but I was very grateful I didn’t miss it because I don’t think I would have ever lived it down. The guys loaded the pig up and back to the house we went. Bob and the guys gutted it and put it in the cooler until we were ready to clean them.
We didn’t stay up too late because the next morning we had a wake-up call of 5:00 AM to go back out, I think everyone was anxious to get back out hunting as we were all up and ready to go. Bob dropped Grant and me off at the first blind and we posted up there for a few hours. We didn’t see anything worth shooting but off to our left there was this patch of grass that looked like a perfect doe that kept throwing me off – it also might have been because we were on almost no sleep and our eyes were playing tricks on us. After sitting in silence for most of the morning, we decided to walk back to the house. The others met us and Paisley and Sean started on breakfast. Bacon and eggs cooked on a cast-iron skillet with tortillas over the fire to make breakfast tacos. From there, we split into two – one group went out around the ranch, and the rest of us decided to go take more target practice at the range. After spending some time doing that, Chris and Blake started on lunch for the rest of us – some pit barrel smoker ribs and rose. This weekend was filled with a lot of meat, and we were just halfway done. They also smoked some tri-tips and mushrooms in there as well. After being uncomfortably full again, we broke out in pairs to go back to the blinds. Grant and I got the executive blind which was also within walking distance, so as everyone rushed to get in the Polaris, we kicked back and leisurely made our way out there. Again, we didn’t see anything worth shooting, but the sunset was worth every second we sat out there. Paisley ended up shooting three hogs on her side of the mountain which was exciting!
When the Polaris and hogs showed up at the ranch house, I was feeling extra ambitious and asked if I could gut one. I wanted to get the whole experience of field to farm, and that included getting a little dirty for the sake of the process. I watched Bob do one hog, and then Sean or Blake did one, and then I got the last one. I’ve broken down chicken and fish from the store before so I at least sort of knew how the process works, but it’s different when it’s still a warm animal. In his ever patience way, Bob guided me through every slice and Paisley was my expert photographer and took pictures and videos of the whole thing. Lucky for me I didn’t slice into any of the organs and they all blobbed out in one big mass that was easily put in a bucket for dumping. We then hung the hogs up and they went into the cooler with everything else. Again we were completely wiped out, but for dinner we had ribeyes I picked up from Central Market that we grilled along with mushrooms and onions. Chris grilled them perfectly, and it was a great meal to end our hunting excursions. Since the day started at 5:00 AM, we all called it a night around 11:00 and no one was willing to get up early to go hunting which I was relieved about. The next morning was the last day, and we had some animals to harvest. It seems like a much more involved process than gutting it, so I left that handiwork to Chris, Bob, and Blake so we could get out of there and back on the road a decent time. In total, they took care of the four hogs we shot, plus a deer, aoudad, and another hog that had been shot earlier in the week. We divided the meat amongst up all parties and I took home all of my hog plus a few extra cuts. I had two hindquarters, two shoulders, two backstraps, and four tenderloins in total that needed to be cleaned and cut into smaller quantities when I got home. After packing everything up and cleaning the ranch, we said our goodbyes and hit the road for home. I decided to try to clean and pack all the meat I had that night because I knew I wouldn’t want to do it the next day. I was hoping that my experience breaking down other cuts of meat would have helped, but it’s a whole new ballgame trying to get through all of that. The whole process took about three hours, and miraculously fit it all in my little refrigerator-freezer
Finally, it was time to take a shower and go to bed, and I was out until my alarm and cats were waking me up the next morning to start my day. Very thankful for the great weekend away from Austin, and the quality time I spent with Chris, Grant, Paisley, Sean, Blake, Jenna, and Bob. Can’t wait to do it again!
